I Hear God In You, A Recovery Song by Ron K.

September 22, 2011

Charlie and I received the dates yesterday from Dr. Hanneke Kouwenberg, Erasmus Medical Center at Rotterdam, Rotterdam, The Netherlands.  Quite an overwhelming feeling to think of flying to The Netherlands for Cancer Treatment.  In June, when we heard the news that Charlie's cancer had spread, rather rapidly, to the gastrointestinal lymph nodes, we were devastated.  At the time, his oncologist at H. Lee Moffitt Cancer Center, asked if we had the resources to go to Holland for treatment, $30,000 USD.  Can you even imagine trying to come up with this much money?  I couldn't, but I told him to go ahead and schedule all the necessary testing to see if Charlie was even eligible.  I still could not imagine, working class people like Charlie and I trying to go to Holland to save his life.  Nueroendocrine Carcinoma, Islet Cell Tumor, the only thing he has in common with Steve Jobs of Apple Computer.

We are schedule to arrive in The Netherlands on November 8, 2011 and leave on November 14, 2011. Our hope is that this treatment will give him another 3-5 years.   In the meantime, I just keep working on trying to raise the money for this treatment.

For those of you who have followed mine and Charlie's story over the last few years, I would love you to take a look at Charlie's web site:  www.charliesfight.org.

The Year 2011 is a few days away

     Charlie and I finished this year with some rather somber news.  After battling with cancer for 12 years, having had two remissions, two operations, and countless experimental opportunities, Charlie's cancer came back with a vengeance this year. We initially had high hopes of a new drug through a clinical trial but Charlie had severe side effects and was unable to continue in the study.  A few weeks ago, we received the news that his tumors have doubled in size and there are now two tumors in the lymph nodes.  Our Christmas was not as joyous as those in the past, as we tried to cope with this latest news.  Our year has been filled with ups and downs, and joys and sadness, but Charlie and I have always had some ray of hope in our lives.  We are hoping to capture that hope again as we begin to accept this latest piece of medical information.

     The beginning of 2010 was filled with laughter and hope and love.  We celebrated my 21st anniversary sober and our 29th anniversary married.  It was a miraculous year in most ways.  Charlie and I have spent a good deal of time and energy settling into the Apopka community and are overwhelmed at times with the network we have of people in the recovery community.

     A group of women in my network decided to go to the Women's International Conference in Orlando and it was breathtaking.  The size of the conference, the speakers, it was incredible.  The sobriety countdown was amazing.  We all came home rejuvenate and filled with a sense of the oneness of the recovery world and the connectedness of the individuals within it.

     This year has also been interesting in terms of my spirituality.  I have been more open and have had an opportunity to be a mentor to women in areas of spirituality that are outside the traditional concepts.  This has presented an enormous opportunity for myself as well as those in my network to grow emotional and spiritually with each others' help.

     It is a little unusual to have so many in my circle who have moved beyond the newcomer stage.  Normally, I only work with newcomers because others' find they do not have the patience.  I, however, have a passion for working with them.  Over this last year, I have seen the newcomers in my life blossom. One with 2.5 years, one with 5 years, two with 1.5, another with 2 years and another coming up on one year.  While I still feel sorrow for the ones who go back out, it is hard to match against the joy of the women who truly attain good quality sobriety.  I have seen 22 women walk through the doors, only 14 are still sober, about one out of every two go back out.

A very sobering thought to begin the new year.

My love to all,

Diane

The Year 2009 is coming to a close. 

          I cannot believe another year is coming to a close. It's November 2009 and my 21st Anniversary is around the corner again.  The year 2009 has been filled with a mixture of challenges, of all shapes and sizes.  I have had some incredible blessings through this web site that have brought untold gifts into my life. I have had an enormously rewarding and educational experience with the women that I am connected to at the noon time meetings in Apopka.  They really are an extraordinary group of women.  This year I became an honorary grandmother.  I have a three month old granddaughter, Regan.  This is quite a feat, given that I don't have any children.  However, my relationship with her mother, Michelle, has brought untold rewards in terms of the experiences I have had with her, her daughter, and her daughter's birth.

          In April after doing an unusual act of service for another recovered alcoholic, I started writing inspiration poems and pieces.  It has been a very powerful spiritual experience.  Some of the writing that I have done is now featured on this website. 

          Charlie has had an incredible year of miracles.  For 35 years, Charlie has lived with an awful limp in his left leg.  It was 3/4 inch shorter than the other leg.  It is just something he has lived with.   Last year I did some research and found a surgeon who does knee replacements in Orlando, one of the best.  Unfortunately neither he nor the second surgeon would operate because Charlie has cancer.  However, as usual, my higher power stepped in and found us the perfect surgeon to do the surgery.  Charlie had knee replacement surgery and the surgeon also straighten out Charlie's leg.  It is utterly fantastic, what is this but a miracle. 

          Then in September, we were told Charlie's cancer was in remission.  I cannot even begin to explain how overwhelming and completely unexpected this news was.  Just when I think I know what my higher power can do, something like this happens and I am convinced I will never know the magnitude of her power.

Love to all,

Diane

Well, 2008, turned out to be a very challenging year. 

I spent a good deal of time working on Charlie's medical problems.  They seem to accumulate by the day.  We have, however, had numerous blessings over the last year in relation to his medical care.  I am considering writing a separate piece just about that.  I have learned over the year, love, patience and tolerance can be achieved even when I am being assertive and acting as a medical advocate for Charlie.  I have also settled nicely into AA in Apopka.  I have become very involved in the noon time meetings here and I am having a good deal of fun.  In particular, the women I have connected with are absolutely wonderful.  We now actually have a women's meeting at noon time.  Throughout the year, I have been with some very special friends, including a new sponsor.  This relationship has been the most rewarding in terms of my spiritual growth.  By the end of 2008, I felt an extraordinary sense of wonder at having 20 years of sobriety, a wonderful sponsor, and a group of women friends who are an honor to know and love.  The gifts, the blessings, the challenges, the miracles, the relationships, the spiritual growth, the expansion of the dimensions of the Spirit of the Universe in my life -  the feelings that I have regarding all of these things are difficult to express.  The closest I can come is a quote from Alcoholics Anonymous:

"We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence of which we had not even dreamed. The great fact is just this, and nothing less: That we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences* which have revolutionized our whole attitude toward life, toward our fellows and toward God's universe. The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves."  (Big Book, page 25).

Alcoholics Anonymous

(www.aa.org) 

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I Hear God in You, Copyright, Ron K.